A Poem

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I want to try at least this — to love you.

So I practice living in the hypothetical. The moment before our time runs out. I touch you like the betrayal of my synapses lingers sinister on the horizon.

Emotion’s tongue is so taken with the taste of longing. Addicted to the spice of unrequited desire. Salivating for serotonin after the snake bite.

At least to love you is not an exercise in self-harm. Well-rehearsed unfortunate choice with a wet cement ending where my feet stick.

At least your heart is more than the frigid knob of a locked door.

Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

What do you want to get out of this?

This is the question that has allowed me to continue writing online for over two years. If you are starting out on your own writing journey, I advise you to ask yourself the same question.

Producing content on a regular basis isn’t easy. It’s easy to get sucked into the idea that you have to turn yourself into a content mill to get anywhere. But, the shine of a new writing career wears off rather quickly if you don’t stay focused on why you chose this path.

One article won’t build your career. Success isn’t going to knock on your…

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It’s very interesting how often I have been called selfish by the master manipulators in my life, especially when I have been in therapy for what can be called a deficit in my sense of self and in my understanding of the boundaries to which I have a right.

Why did a sense of self elude me for so long?

Because the pieces I now understand as central to my identity are considered selfish by the family and community I left behind. One of the core pieces of my identity is being observational and analytical. …

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Failures happen really often, and this frequency increases proportionally to how much you’re putting your work out there.

Focusing on your failures can take a psychological toll.

You might begin to let pessimism call the shots in your writing career. Rejections may begin to signal to you that you’re not good enough.

Let’s think about this analytically. What question are you trying to answer when you give your failures and successes equal weight?

Usually, the question isn’t: How do I achieve the outcome I want?

Instead, it’s: Am I worthy of my goal?

There is not a single person on the planet who can truly answer the second question except for you. Whatever the goal may be, it’s yours. …

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Sometimes, we know we need to change our lives, but we have absolutely no idea how to go about it.

Give yourself time to reflect on what you need.

This may mean stepping back from your regular activities to do some much-needed introspection. We often get so busy, so wrapped up in our lives, that we don’t take out time to sort out our complications.

The more you check in with yourself, the more you’ll understand what you need.

Once you have an idea of what’s missing, you can take actions that will help you accept and express your needs.

We hear the phrase self-care thrown around constantly nowadays…

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One bright Saturday morning, I walked with nervous excitement to my neighborhood dance studio in San Francisco. I was scheduled to audition for the role of a dance instructor.

The audition routine was tough.

I tried to stay focused and keep up with the steps, but I began to realize that I simply wasn’t ready. The anxiety of not being good enough mid-audition was overwhelming.

When the audition results were posted, my name was nowhere to be found. A simple lined paper ruined my day.

Actually, it did more than that.

I was too ashamed to revisit the studio. I…

Rebeca Ansar

rebecawrites.com | blog and articles in An Amygdala

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