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I have long held the notion that I should be able to meditate. Somehow, this spiritual knowledge should just have been passed down to me via epigenetics through my Indian heritage.

Talk about buying into Orientalism.

It wasn’t, though. Tell me to sit still and in about one minute I will show you a crazy person. The only time I can approaching Just Being is when my brain is totally immersed in the thing I’m working on. When I am instructed to sit somewhere and do nothing except find an awareness past the ego I just…can’t.

It doesn’t help that…

A Poem

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Photo by Paul Blenkhorn @SensoryArtHouse on Unsplash

where have the old worries gone?

it must have been
they escaped under a blank sky
suffocated by the new weight of
my head upon the pillow

I waited for you in conditions
sterile and solemn, but this
patience has ossified over the years

I surrender to staring at my ceiling
no longer haunted by the petty woes
like I told you- they abandoned me too

stole memories and dreams on their way out
banished me as I thought shouldn’t it be
the other way around?

do not visit me now I am angry in this house alone painting the…

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When I began writing on Medium over two years ago, I started catching dreams. The stats! The stats! I wanted them to go up, even though I didn’t know quite what that would mean for me.

Autonomy from a full-time job, maybe. Sign me up. A chance at becoming the one thing I had always wanted to be (a writer) but was too scared to actually work at. This seemed like a great platform for that.

So I began writing. I wrote each day. I wrote twice a day. I started listening to others’ tips. …

An Essay

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Photo by Stephen Monterroso on Unsplash

Last Sunday was the first day in, I don’t even know, years, that I didn’t watch any television. I use that term broadly. I didn’t watch any YouTube videos. I didn’t stream any shows.

Instead, I woke up, finished up some work, and then read my book for the rest of the day.

Why am I doing this?

Because I have a suspicion that I’m using television to distract myself from things that require my attention.

I was a latchkey kid. Television raised me. It babysat me. It gave me my dreams. It was my friend. …

An Essay

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I am so disconnected from what’s cool these days.

Having built my professional career in the Tech industry, I know the importance of appearing young, youthful, vibrant, and palatably surface-level. These performances were tips and tricks of the trade.

Turning a year older? Get an edgy haircut.

Having a quarter-life crisis? Make sure to call yourself ancient before anyone else can.

I don’t care anymore. I’m settling into my thirties.

There’s more reflection and less frenetic emotion here. I have more self-control and clarity of mind.

We cling to our twenties because we cling to a superficial notion of relevance.

Rebeca Ansar | blog and articles in An Amygdala

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