If You Want To Have More Successful First Dates, Change Your Priorities

Dating can be difficult.

It is arguably a huge overall investment of time, energy, and financial resources, at least for those who take it seriously. Each bad date has the potential to leave you just a little more jaded. This is all true, but if you want to find a promising person from the sea of photos and blurbs, you’ll have to put yourself out there.

There is a way to have more successful dates, and it relies on a certain perspective of what “success” means in this realm.

It’s important to keep in mind that people can only meet you from where they are, and you can only reciprocate from where you are. There’s a lot of nuance in each individual’s thinking and life experiences, so trying to be liked can be a futile mission.

If a successful first date is categorically defined as one where there is the promise of either a second date or even a full-blown relationship, then many of your first dates will be straight out failures.

However, if you’re willing to define success with your personal growth at the center, then it becomes easier to exert more control over whether or not a date is fruitful. For example, success during a first date can mean that the environment gave you the opportunity to work on being comfortable in your own skin, improve your communication skills, and express yourself more authentically.

This necessitates taking the focus off of what the other person might be thinking about you. If you’re fixated on what could be going through their head, you won’t leave yourself space to evaluate your own thoughts and feelings. You may even compromise your genuineness by prioritizing the desire to make the other person like you.

If you take this route, it compels you to keep up a persona, which will entail hiding the parts of yourself that you have deemed unlikeable. Once you get sick of keeping up appearances, you might find that your true self is incompatible with the person. This is something best ascertained earlier rather than later.

Concentrating instead on your own experience of the date is an empowering move.

If you do think of dating as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, the experience you gain is inherently valuable, regardless of whether or not the date goes anywhere else.

You can learn what your triggers are, what aspects of your personality are underscored by different people, and even what kinds of events you find interesting versus what’s a real snooze-fest for you.

As you experience yourself in the company of another person, you can also practice listening to yourself as you receive many non-verbal cues that can warn you about a potentially unsuitable situation.

While the possible psychological tolls of being the rejector or being rejected loom over every date, you can learn to accept it as a natural part of dating. This allows you to develop emotional fortitude and practice radical self-acceptance, something you’ll need whether you are single or partnered.

It’s important to keep in mind that people can only meet you from where they are, and you can only reciprocate from where you are. There’s a lot of nuance in each individual’s thinking and life experiences, so trying to be liked can be a futile mission.

Prioritizing likeability at the cost of authenticity externalizes your locus of control.

Instead, focusing on authentic behavior and self-acceptance in a new situation can help you tap into your personal power and allow you to eventually find a connection that works for you in the long-term.